First things first, July has been updated with the last couple of weeks of posts. Those can be accessed from the archive tab or from here http://freeontheat.me/july I’m sure reading ten days of “I woke up and walked North” isn’t the most exciting thing for most of you. However some of those days contain pictures from The White Mountains, one of the most beautiful sections of trail.
I haven’t had a chance to talk to many of you personally in a while. I’ve also been way behind on posting to the blog. The blog posts give some insights as to how things are going for me, but I figured now was a good time to give an overall update.
In short, I’m tired. I’m tired of hiking 12 hours a day. I’m tired of only getting one day off every 10-12 days. I’m tired of that day off being filled more with chores than it is with actual rest. I’m tired of walking in rain for hours on end with no sign of stopping and no dry place to escape. I’m tired of having to put on rain gear to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I’m tired of putting on wet cloths, socks, and shoes every morning. I’m tired of my stench. I’m tired of my feet always hurting. I’m tired of eating the same prepackaged foods day in and day out.
I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my cats. I miss indoor plumbing. I miss being able to take a shower whenever I want and immediately have clean cloths to put on. I miss deodorant. I miss being able to get in a car and go exactly where I want when I want. I miss vegetables. I miss reliable internet connections. I miss computers. I miss Netflix. I miss waking up and deciding the day can wait and going back to bed.
At this point I am kind of over the whole experience. I feel weak and broken. The days are filled with more struggle than joy at this point. I’m close enough to be able to see the finish line, but there is still so much more work left to be done. I’ve been mentally ready to be finished for the last few weeks. That definitely contributes to the mental struggle.
I know a few weeks after I'm finished I'll look back and romanticize this experience. I'll wish I had cherished this moment more when it was happening, but right now it is completely a struggle.
My commitment and confidence are both still at 100%, but that is how I feel right now. I still fully intend to finish. 298.3 miles left. I got this.